I’ve been working hard on just being more forgiving of myself for a lot of things. Trying to build healthier habits. I have a lot of focus issues or what I call work life balance issues but in this case work is my kids and Life is trying to fit all my SpIns into the time between when my kids go to bed and when I have to fall asleep (approx 3-4 hours per evening plus some times a couple hours in the day) but also do house chores and also do out of the house chores, also work on kindergarten prep and also take care of my mental health and also find out that I am PDA AuDHD : like WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
I’ve been basically losing it. Who am I – what do I enjoy – Why do I have so many god damn issues and why is everything so hard and why do I never care? Why am I constantly overwhelmed by my emotions – when did my body start to betray me with the hormones and the anxiety and the stress *sigh*
I feel both Validated for having a diagnosis in my early 40s but also pissed off that I never had a diagnosis like at any time in the previous 40 years, and also just sad that everything has been so fucking hard and its _not my fault_ : I’m not having a hard time cuz I suck and can’t do basic adulting – I just have a brain that computes differently. Differently enough that I am never not going to be weird and awkward cuz I don’t understand people.
My current fav thing is TALK and the album The Lord of The Flies & Birds & Bees and a song that makes my social anxiety feel seen is “Talking To Aliens”
“Every syllable makes me feel more alone/ A vicious cycle makes me feel more alone/ When I’m talking ouuuu / Feel like I’m talking to aliens/ Too many people one room/ Feel like I’m talking two languages/ I can’t escape/ Like I’m on fire/ Jaws gonna break/ At the hands of a liar/ When I’m talking ouu/ Feel like I’m talking to aliens”
Yes I actually bought the physical album, I love this whole album all the way. I think its super great and I am proud to support a Canadian artist. If I was 20 again doing college radio again I would probably play at _least_ one song every show from TALK 🙂
Anyway – I’m exhausted and incoherent and going to sleep. I’ll update again whenever I remember that I have a website lol
